This post was published as an April Fools’ joke and is not to be taken seriously.
In today’s digital, measuring-obsessed age, data can be a powerful ally. But what happens when the numbers don’t tell you the story that you want to hear? What if your sales figures aren’t adding up to the overly-optimistic pipe dreams you promised your boss at the beginning of the quarter? Then the data can turn from friend to vicious foe.
At Sisense, we want your data to always tell the story that you want to hear. That’s why we’re proud to introduce our latest feature: Sisense BuildStory (BS for short). Now, with the click of a button, you can transform the data presented in your dashboards and reports to reflect the exact situation you want your business to be in, regardless of the actual state of your business.
This new feature ensures that the story your dashboard tells will always have a happy ending – all thanks to unique RelativeTruth™ technology, that enables us to “adjust” data at record-breaking speed, while still keeping the numbers just reliable enough so that your boss will never suspect anything.
Before Sisense BS
This dashboard tells a sad story, which nobody really wants to hear.
After Sisense BS
This dashboard is awesome!
Didn’t meet your quotas? Way over budget? All graphs trending downwards? Turn that frown upside-down with Sisense BS. With a single click you can turn your failures into inspiring success stories, and then proceed to easily share the newly-fabricated reports with your manager, co-workers and even – if you dare – the company’s board of directors.
Everyone promises to give you the right data at the right time, but at Sisense we understand that sometimes the right data doesn’t do justice with your efforts. Sometimes you need the wrong data, as long as it paints you in a better light. For these situations, there’s Sisense BS.
Actual user testimonial
“Our company was losing tons of money on projects that weren’t moving forward, and nobody really had an actionable solution. It was depressing to walk into the office in the morning and look at these dashboards that were telling us that our business was in an absolutely abysmal state. But all of that changed with Sisense BS: we just clicked on that one button, and now the dashboards tell us that everything’s a-okay, business is booming and revenue growth is through the roof. It’s definitely been a game changer for us.”
– George Gershon, Director of Business Matters, Megacorp Inc.
Want in on this?
We’re already rolling the new feature out to select visionary customers. Contact [email protected] for the details.